A couple of Sundays ago, my son was a total pill in his Sunday school class. I know, I know, typical pastor's kid. You won't catch me making excuses for him (or allowing him to make excuses for himself). Typically after services end, I'll go to my children’s Sunday school teachers and ask how they behaved. Now, I can’t control whether or not my children act right in class. However, I can control how I instruct them before class and how I respond to any potential disobedience once classes end. On this particular Sunday, my child had been particularly annoying for his teacher and other classmates.
The circumstances surrounding his disobedience were not entirely important to me because I couldn’t conceive of a situation where my son would need to disobey his teacher. So while I was talking with her and my son tried to pipe up and offer his two cents, he was greeted with my pointer finger on his lips and a stern instruction not to argue. He was also met with a wooden spoon to the rear at home.
As I sat down with him before his spanking, I told him that the problem was not that he caused trouble in class. Being a troublemaker isn’t bad. The problem was that he caused trouble for the wrong person. He caused problems in the wrong place. I told him that great men of God cause lots of trouble for God's enemies, but they bring joy and relief to God's people.
The problem on that Sunday morning is that my son chose to cause trouble for God's people, thus bringing joy to God's enemies. This is unacceptable, which is why he had to be shown a better way with the business end of a wooden spoon. (By the way, I'm just going to leave this here in case anyone needs it: Proverbs 13:24).
When we come to church, whether we are singing in the congregation, listening to the sermon, or going to Sunday school, we are causing trouble for the enemies of God. We are causing trouble for Satan. We are causing trouble for the wicked nations who plot against the expansion of God’s kingdom (Psalm 2:1-3). We are causing trouble for those who hate the worship of Christ. And that’s good. We want to be trouble for those people. But fellowship with the saints should be defined by a spirit of joy, servitude, and worship. We shouldn't cause trouble for them.
Embrace Trouble-Making Boys
We have to remember this when the inclination arises within us to merely teach our boys to be obedient rule followers. This isn’t anywhere close to what we should want from them. Boys shouldn’t automatically follow any rules they are given. Godly boys have to learn what rules are worth following. They have to learn what sources of authority are worth submitting to.
I want my son to be absolutely obedient to the godly men and women who give him instruction at church. I want him to be obedient to his pastors. I want him to be obedient to his mother. I want him to be obedient to his governing authorities, insofar as these authorities remember their place beneath Christ. All of this stems from the fact that I want him to be obedient to God, who placed those authority figures in his life.
I also want my son to recognize what sources of authority are not worth listening to. He has to learn what rules not to follow.
The Bible refers to Satan as the "ruler of this world" and yet I don’t want my son to bow down to him.
If our governing overlords ever again try to compel us to forsake worshiping together on Sunday mornings while keeping the red light district at Gare du Nord open, I want my son to cheerfully lead the charge to break this rule.
If his teacher ever tells him that he has to call a confused classmate by their "preferred pronouns," I want my son to be immovable in his commitment to obeying the 9th commandment and bold in the face of any punishment his school might threaten as a result.
I want him to be trouble for the right people. I want him to make the right people mad.
This is what every godly man in Scripture did: They caused trouble for the people for whom they should have caused trouble. Elijah was trouble for King Ahab (see below). John the Baptist was trouble for Herod (Mark 6:16-18). David was trouble for Saul (1 Samuel 18:10-12). Jesus was trouble for the High Priest and Pharisees (Matthew 26:3-5). Peter and John were trouble for the Jewish council (Acts 5:40-42). Paul was trouble for most of the towns he entered (I don't know, just read Acts).
Listen to what King Ahab said about Elijah in 1 Kings 18:17 "When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, 'Is it you, you troubler of Israel?'" (I'll also remind anyone who likes to get too trigger-happy with a Romans 13 citation about obeying governing authorities that Ahab was King of Israel). The truth is that Elijah wasn't a troubler of Israel, he was the troubler of Israel's wicked king.
Godly men are not docile rule-followers who are just trying to keep everybody happy. They are strong, resolute men who fear God more than anyone else. And fearing God leads to wisdom– and wisdom leads to understanding what rules are worth following and which people are worth submitting to.
The easy thing to do is teach our sons to be easily compliant with every rule they hear and to suppress any notion they have about asserting their own will. It’s easier to teach the boys to simply do what they’re told rather than wisely consider the things they’re being told to do.
But this isn’t the spirit you want your son to have when his derpy friend offers him weed. This isn’t the spirit you want your son to have when he’s presented with an opportunity for sexual sin with a girl. In those moments, I want my son to be belligerent in his obedience to Christ. Therefore, I want his friend holding out the joint to feel very annoyed with him.
Wise Boys Create Good Problems
Whether people think my son is a "very nice boy" shouldn't influence my parenting decisions. I’m not raising a nice boy; I’m raising a godly man. I don’t want my son to grow up to be easily pushed around and persuaded to do what stronger-willed people want him to do. I want him to have a strong backbone. I want him to dig his heels in on truth. I want him to stand with his chest out, shoulders back, and a smirk on his face in front of God's enemies. It is the wicked, who comply easily, while the righteous are the ones who stand bold as a lion (Proverbs 28:1). I don’t want my son to be a man who just "follows rules," I want him to be a man who fears God.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10), and wisdom is what will lead to him living the life he was designed to live. Wisdom will lead to him being a Kingdom builder. Wisdom will lead to him being a thorn in the flesh of God’s enemies. Wisdom will put him high on Satan's most wanted list. And wisdom will make him a husband, father, and man worth following.
So don't dread trouble-making in your boys. Don't be afraid if your boy causes problems. Rejoice! Don't suppress him, teach him. This boy has the potential to grow up to be a massive annoyance (dare I say, threat) to the foes of the Lord Jesus. Teach him who he should be causing trouble for. Teach him what people for whom he should be a problem. Teach him to control his urges and instincts to bless God's people.
Teach him to be trouble for all the right people.
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PS: My son did a great job this past Sunday, and was particularly interested when I encouraged him to be a joy for God's people and a problem for Satan. I'm proud to say that he was both of those things. We'll see how he does next week.